Sexting: I’ll Show You How to Do This Man!
Geplaatst op 26-06-2026
Categorie: Lifestyle
My dating life has been somewhat tragic and painful, but always eventful. Yet, despite all my buckwild behavior I have never taken (for lack of a better term) a COCK PIC.
Perhaps I have been subconsciously afraid that my self-proclaimed “third leg” looks more like a third nipple. After all, I have few cocks to compare it with. As a child I once saw my dad’s member when he, ass naked and fresh out the shower, jumped on my mom as she lay reading a magazine and yelled “Boy this how you do it!” (Hey, my parents had us at a very young age…and you wonder why I have the audacity to write some of this crazy shit).
Other than that I’ve only seen the cock of an intoxicated friend while he was passed out in the bathtub (a terrifying experience, see the “Rico Purple” chapter of my book). Well of course I’ve seen a number of porno films and free clips on bangbros.com, but those guys don’t count.
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Those porno muthafuckas are Centaurs, i.e. half man/half horse for those not into Roman mythology. The erect cock of a porno star looks like it’s intended for industrial use, as if he could actually push it downward, make quick up-and-down gyrations and have it function as a jackhammer. Thick, veiny, and ugly, it’s a mismatched companion for a woman’s soft and gentle vagina. No way in hell would I trade my sleek and shapely cock for a Mandingo dick.
But back to the goddamn point. Today I decided to take a cock picture. I just felt some things you should do by the time you turn 30. Plus I’ve been reading The Sun Always Rises by Hemingway, which features a horny character who got his cock and balls blown off in the war and is therefore stuck in a lustful quagmire. Shit. If that ever happens to me at least I’ll have a pic of my past pride.
I thought to setup a photo shoot—complete with young, adventurous photographers skilled in lighting and image enhancement—but decided my Iphone would be more than suitable. But the first few shots were terrible. My johnson looked alien-like and the three megapixel camera could not catch the full glory of my shy but potent member. I was disheartened with my lame attempt.
So, as I usually do when faced with a dilemma, I contacted my inner circle of friends for advice. I sent my brother and best friends a text message reading “I wanna send a cock pic to my girl. Wats the best angle to take the pic? I wanna maximize length and girth.”
And who could ask for a better group of friends? The detailed responses came pouring in. The first one read, “Nigga! Lol. Hold it in your hand. Take the pic from the top. Good luck lol. But don’t make ur boy too hard. It gives it away. That’s my trick.”
I likes that! Very detailed instructions, yet to the point and easy to follow. Maybe I should steal his trick. You know, show it at half-mass and then pull out the big, fully erect jawn in person.
Then the next response vibrated in “I don’t know! Experiment!”
Buzzkill. What the fuck? Ah man. That sucked. Help a brotha out. But ok, ok. Pause, no homo. I can understand that a lot of men don’t like giving out cock advice.
But the final respondent was the best. He wrote “Take it laying down, sitting with it in the air, or angle it from the northeast, on your side.”
What? This muthafucka actually gave out GPS navigation instructions. But wait he wasn’t finished. Our conversation continued.
He said “It’s ur lucky day. I got my laptop. Let me scan my pics.”
Hold the fuck on. Nah man, I don’t need to see your personal example. Exit only, man. Give a negro a inch, he’ll take a mile. Too-too-too much detail. So I replied, “Oh no lol. I’m cool. I’ll take your word for it.”
He then explained further “I’m not sending a pic dummy, just checking mine. Ok. Laying down with dick in air, or flat on stomach. Or sit on sofa with it hanging between legs. The latter is better. Just sit up and let it fall to ur knee or in ur case high thigh lol.”
Damn! I was now more than ready. All I had to do was think wet thoughts, stand to attention and snap the pic.
So I tried. I thought of Basic Instinct when Sharon Stone rode the hell out of Michael Douglas. Didn’t work, that pussy is too old. Next I pictured Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball, giving up that Oscar award winning ass to that Billy Bob character. Ok, I’m halfway up. Probably enough to penetrate some cooch assuming I had on a condom (hell naw!) or at least lubrication. Then I pictured a clip from Redtube.com that I have bookmarked on my internet browser titled “Buela rides him wild.” Man, that girl can do inhuman thangs that start at her waist and lead to an extraordinary amount of ass jiggle as she drops it like its hot.
Yes!!! I was now camera ready. I positioned the Iphone at a northeast angle as instructed. I thrusted my hips just a little. Why? Cause I’m used to doing shit like that when I’m naked. I took the pic.
Wow. Glorious and shapely. Though a bit ashy, the head looked proud and elegant, as if he was a prince walking into a king’s ball. The slight curve near the tip did nothing but enhances what was already grand. It’s as if my cock leaped into the shot and took space from the unfortunate background images of my room. He was a commanding presence.
Feeling haughty as Jude Law I sent out the picture. She responded “OMG. Yum! I love chocolate! Did you put soap on it first?”
I reply, “Lol. Yeah. That’s why it’s ashy. Freak!”
Damn, Dad would be proud.